Post by flamingkillamajig on Feb 24, 2012 14:00:01 GMT -5
This movie has so many things wrong with it and many are obvious. We're treated to that mother fucking boat ride that has nothing to do with candy and shows clips of a dead guy with a snake slithering on him and other images that to a child must be images sent straight from hell. However i'll try to mention other things.
There's also a strange part in the beginning of the movie where charlie says he has 200 candies and the teacher mentions with surprise that he has 2 candies and mildly mocks it. "Only two!" Why should he care? Isn't it a good thing this child isn't morbidly obese on candy?
For one we have devices and machines which are obviously dangerous and lack safety standards. Remember the fat kid that gets sucked up that tube, the girl that gets blown up to super size and may pop, the hyperactive tv kid that gets turned into a mini-me version of himself and the spoiled brat that has gets dumped out for being a bad egg and even charlie and his grandfather almost got pureed by a vent? Now chances are when that fat kid gets sucked up that tube the chocolate factory would be shut down and lawsuits would be filed. Sure each of these kids aren't too good but he just tried to eat chocolate and fell in and got sucked up by some tube. If you didn't want anybody potentially getting hurt by this liquid chocolate you should've had some mother-fucking fence or something preventing kids from going anywhere and posted people to watch that nobody did anything they shouldn't do. I mean i get these kids aren't that good but they're not that bad yet. If you can't keep control of a bunch of kids with proper security and every single area is potentially hazardous something is very wrong. I mean i know he's probably rich but how the hell do you make good of the negligence that causes accidents to every single winner of your contest and nearly kills a few and possibly does kill a few? If this was a one time thing you can blame it on the kids but this whole factory is unsafe. I mean with charlie he basically tells them there's this super secret untested candy and you should never, ever touch it ever and then he skips off in a very gay way probably. Now i know we don't have kids but anybody even with them should know what happens next. Kids and their curiousity and temptation works this way. Of course his crazy grandpa wasn't much better. If you don't want it to be tested then have the area sealed off under watch and guard with special keys to get into and out of the area. Saying never, never touch this to a child and then leaving them alone for 20 minutes without realizing where the people went and not doing anything about it near an area that's potentially dangerous, unwatched, unguarded and with an open door is beyond negligent.
Oh yeah and not only that but after every kid gets potentially hurt and/or killed we have the asshole oompah loompas singing songs mocking each of the kids and their misfortunes due to their particular bad traits. I get it these traits can be bad but some of these are very sweeping assumptions like the intelligence of 3 for watching tv. Excuse me apparently you haven't seen many kids with aspbergers otherwise you'd change that song. Not only that but how much of an asshole do you have to be for singing a song making fun of somebody that potentially dies for being too curious or a bit too much of a spoiled brat? Once again this happens each and every time a kid gets hurt and/or killed. Somebody should seriously sue these assholes. Also how do you judge kids for being bad when you have an unsafe factory where you make fun of people for their misfortune and bad traits with an unsafe factory, a rich crazy asshole with some fettish for kids, a business that makes money off of candy and other such things. Should we make a song about being a company owning asshole that takes advantage of disadvantaged groups of people too or one that has a strange love of children or similar?
Even the parts of the tour that have been tested and are allowed to be tried out seem fairly dangerous like the boat ride or the flume car which is the messiest way to go 5 mph to nowhere with foamy cream splattering all over you (there's a sex joke in there somewhere). Another example is the wallpaper candy which besides having no practical use in the real world i like to jokingly imagine it's made of lead paint before people knew that was bad and kids could eat it causing the kids even more problems as they get older. I will pretend the area they start off in with all the candy versions of a wonderland are ok though chances are it's a bit unsanitary to walk on something you can eat among other things. Though chewable cups would be fun as long as it's actual candy. Would be surprised though that if it's actual candy it might not work so well as a cup.
We've also got the oompah loompahs and people have made many jokes about them but to me they always seemed like illegal immigrant workers that got paid shit and had shitty standards of living. TV has made midgets into some comical gag and i'm not sure whether the fame or humiliation is worth it. I mean how would it feel to be not taken seriously whereever you go and to only have a decent job being made fun of while losing your self-esteem in the process. I mean at least you don't have to give somebody a blowjob for this job and you can make an ass of yourself for money and fame but how much self-respect do you lose when dressing up as some weird cutesy wonderland people or as some star in some douchebag movie (jackass) or having something which makes fun of you only for your size? I mean they have fame and that's nice but what do the general population think of you for it? Don't you want to be taken seriously sometimes?
Thank god that guardians went with the kids though otherwise this would've felt too much like michael jackson's candy land. I do however feel these guardians/parents were also in some ways pretty bad. Keep track of your kids for god sakes. However these are hyperactive kids in a candy land and they actually probably have more self-control than some kids would in a candy land.
At the end of the movie we're also treated to charlie winning somehow even though he went into a restricted area which was probably unlocked. They blast off into some spaceship made by a candy man that was never tested and blast off through a roof and surprisingly don't die. Now exciting as it may be i get the feeling the U.S. spotted an unidentified aircraft and shot them down. At least that would've made the ending more interesting.
There's also a strange part in the beginning of the movie where charlie says he has 200 candies and the teacher mentions with surprise that he has 2 candies and mildly mocks it. "Only two!" Why should he care? Isn't it a good thing this child isn't morbidly obese on candy?
For one we have devices and machines which are obviously dangerous and lack safety standards. Remember the fat kid that gets sucked up that tube, the girl that gets blown up to super size and may pop, the hyperactive tv kid that gets turned into a mini-me version of himself and the spoiled brat that has gets dumped out for being a bad egg and even charlie and his grandfather almost got pureed by a vent? Now chances are when that fat kid gets sucked up that tube the chocolate factory would be shut down and lawsuits would be filed. Sure each of these kids aren't too good but he just tried to eat chocolate and fell in and got sucked up by some tube. If you didn't want anybody potentially getting hurt by this liquid chocolate you should've had some mother-fucking fence or something preventing kids from going anywhere and posted people to watch that nobody did anything they shouldn't do. I mean i get these kids aren't that good but they're not that bad yet. If you can't keep control of a bunch of kids with proper security and every single area is potentially hazardous something is very wrong. I mean i know he's probably rich but how the hell do you make good of the negligence that causes accidents to every single winner of your contest and nearly kills a few and possibly does kill a few? If this was a one time thing you can blame it on the kids but this whole factory is unsafe. I mean with charlie he basically tells them there's this super secret untested candy and you should never, ever touch it ever and then he skips off in a very gay way probably. Now i know we don't have kids but anybody even with them should know what happens next. Kids and their curiousity and temptation works this way. Of course his crazy grandpa wasn't much better. If you don't want it to be tested then have the area sealed off under watch and guard with special keys to get into and out of the area. Saying never, never touch this to a child and then leaving them alone for 20 minutes without realizing where the people went and not doing anything about it near an area that's potentially dangerous, unwatched, unguarded and with an open door is beyond negligent.
Oh yeah and not only that but after every kid gets potentially hurt and/or killed we have the asshole oompah loompas singing songs mocking each of the kids and their misfortunes due to their particular bad traits. I get it these traits can be bad but some of these are very sweeping assumptions like the intelligence of 3 for watching tv. Excuse me apparently you haven't seen many kids with aspbergers otherwise you'd change that song. Not only that but how much of an asshole do you have to be for singing a song making fun of somebody that potentially dies for being too curious or a bit too much of a spoiled brat? Once again this happens each and every time a kid gets hurt and/or killed. Somebody should seriously sue these assholes. Also how do you judge kids for being bad when you have an unsafe factory where you make fun of people for their misfortune and bad traits with an unsafe factory, a rich crazy asshole with some fettish for kids, a business that makes money off of candy and other such things. Should we make a song about being a company owning asshole that takes advantage of disadvantaged groups of people too or one that has a strange love of children or similar?
Even the parts of the tour that have been tested and are allowed to be tried out seem fairly dangerous like the boat ride or the flume car which is the messiest way to go 5 mph to nowhere with foamy cream splattering all over you (there's a sex joke in there somewhere). Another example is the wallpaper candy which besides having no practical use in the real world i like to jokingly imagine it's made of lead paint before people knew that was bad and kids could eat it causing the kids even more problems as they get older. I will pretend the area they start off in with all the candy versions of a wonderland are ok though chances are it's a bit unsanitary to walk on something you can eat among other things. Though chewable cups would be fun as long as it's actual candy. Would be surprised though that if it's actual candy it might not work so well as a cup.
We've also got the oompah loompahs and people have made many jokes about them but to me they always seemed like illegal immigrant workers that got paid shit and had shitty standards of living. TV has made midgets into some comical gag and i'm not sure whether the fame or humiliation is worth it. I mean how would it feel to be not taken seriously whereever you go and to only have a decent job being made fun of while losing your self-esteem in the process. I mean at least you don't have to give somebody a blowjob for this job and you can make an ass of yourself for money and fame but how much self-respect do you lose when dressing up as some weird cutesy wonderland people or as some star in some douchebag movie (jackass) or having something which makes fun of you only for your size? I mean they have fame and that's nice but what do the general population think of you for it? Don't you want to be taken seriously sometimes?
Thank god that guardians went with the kids though otherwise this would've felt too much like michael jackson's candy land. I do however feel these guardians/parents were also in some ways pretty bad. Keep track of your kids for god sakes. However these are hyperactive kids in a candy land and they actually probably have more self-control than some kids would in a candy land.
At the end of the movie we're also treated to charlie winning somehow even though he went into a restricted area which was probably unlocked. They blast off into some spaceship made by a candy man that was never tested and blast off through a roof and surprisingly don't die. Now exciting as it may be i get the feeling the U.S. spotted an unidentified aircraft and shot them down. At least that would've made the ending more interesting.
Its wierd how its so easy to disect a child's film and butcher it about being a horrible movie, with messages in it that are worse than those in movies that are banned..... It seems showing my 7 year old sister the 'Saw' movies wouldn't do as much damage as this movie possibly could.....