Post by flamingkillamajig on Jan 27, 2012 4:29:05 GMT -5
So you may or may not have heard it by now but i hate elves. I'm not sure the best way to explain this but i think i'll go step by step.
1) Elves are tree hugging pansies.
Now in fantasy a lot of times they are one with the forests or woods and complain if you should damage it because hurting a tree is not okay but hurting people is fine esp. if they're invaders or humans. Hell these people are basically eco-terrorists and tree hippies. I wouldn't be surprised if they really are peace and love hippies that smoke pot all day and don't have a day job.
2) The smugness and arrogance by thinking they're better than every other race.
Elves always seem content to show how superior they are in physical skill even though they have the physical form of a pretty woman. Thinking you're better than a group often leads to plenty of racism and violence which is considered ok to commit to your lessers (like the eldar). Supposedly some will say they are perfect by being capable of some elfen emotions, power of mind or magic bullshit. Hey listen if my species had a history as long as yours we'd be as well learned as well. In fact why are you always dying out in every single lore i've ever seen? You're either dying out or becoming irrelevant and trying to distance yourself from every other race as somehow the world no longer effects you anymore. I always thought dying out meant you weren't superior but more a failure as a species. As far as normal fantasy goes elves are far and few between no matter where you go and sure sometimes they build big and smug kingdoms like san fransico or L.A. but it's mostly just looks and you can tell it's brimming with smugness. Also in warhammer fantasy let's see how long these arcane bows handle a gunline. In most lore i've never even heard of elves wielding guns and yet in fantasy the foolish child-like humans have big cities, live nice lives and have more modern conveniences. You elves can live in your treehouses and deal with ticks all day. I think i'd rather have modern medicine and the pleasures of a city. In fact the smugness of elves is so bad that even people that want to play as them in an rpg are smug just like them.
3) Elves have the physical attributes of a frail woman.
I can't hate this feature about elves enough. Nerdy girls love this feature for some reason. Perhaps it's because they're weak and non-threatening or perhaps they want a guy on guy fan fiction and would like to write it. Even creepier i hear on guy on guy anime one is often the weaker victim character and i wouldn't doubt fan fiction is similar. Have you ever seen an elf with masculine features like body hair and muscles? No? That's because they don't exist. Somehow all elven speed and strength comes from somewhere and yet they're as frail as a cat and probably weigh about as much proportionately. I was annoyed how much girls seemed to love characters like legolas instead of characters like aragorn in lord of the ring. You mean a manly man with a deep voice, a love for a woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life and with a spirit that would make any man follow him through hell and back is beaten by a wuss that trades insults with a dwarf? I heard the real legolas was actually pretty bad ass in the books but whatever. They even have the most high pitched feminine voices. Even worse them looking like girls just makes you feel awkward if you got drunk in some bar and while hitting on a wench brought her home to find out the hard way
or the next morning. The scary thing is they have all the similarities of gay or at least metrosexual men. Suddenly when you figure that out you understand why their race is dying out. Either there women are trying to find manly men or their love for gay men usually ends up badly as gay men are GAY. For female elves being feminine is actually a good thing as they are very pretty and they should be. Most women wish they lacked hair in some areas elves do naturally. Also if they're as flexible as a cat imagine how flexible they'd be in....god i wish elf women were real 
.
4) They can't go anywhere without first playing a ballad about it or writing a poem of it and then playing a lute.
Jesus i hate elves. You'd think you could hate them over just one thing and then they pull some lute out of their ass and just start singing to make your travels that much more annoying. Then they prance around and tease you in the frilliest gay way. Listen if you're gay that's fine but there's being gay just because it's your preference (there are manly gays) and then there's dancing around in the most flamboyant way possible. If that's your thing in real life then ok but this is an entire race of people this way. In 'the hobbit' they actually went to a town with elf singing everywhere. Dear lord where's the nearest dark and dangerous wood with only a campfire and a sheet for protection. They also have feminine shrill voices too as if it wasn't bad enough.
5) The elven language.
When the writer of lord of the rings wrote this i think he just did it to add depth and character to a fantasy race. Sure it was nerdy but he probably didn't expect nerds at conventions to actually write it or speak it if that's even possible. This is more a beef i have with people that love elves though and feel like showing their nerdiness by talking about it.
6) Elf women.
For the most part elven women seem great and they're great in bed supposedly but what's the problem. Have you ever lived with an immortal woman that as a species is known for having the bitchiest bitches ever. Suddenly you feel alright knowing you're mortal and that this horrible circumstance will come to an end....after decades of going slowly insane. Also the problem is being immortal means they probably have great grandchildren your age if you are in a relationship with them. Elven old age is really creepy like that. Suddenly you'd understand that elven women are awesome if you're into the free sex thing but a permanent relationship with one is suddenly very undesirable. Ugh they make me want to put a gun to my head.
Well guys those are my thoughts on elves. I hope you weren't too offended i just really have issues with elves. Hopefully you got a few laughs out of it and agreed with some of it. If you have a problem with this blog i'll take it down or change it a bit and put it up on my facebook so everybody can be happy.
I'm also sure elf women would be awesome if they didn't probably smugly say you were worse than an elf man but i've seen plenty of elf/human relationships so maybe we impress them like a black guy to some white women. Also for some reason all elf women are super pretty except in some games like 'the witcher' or 'dragon age' as if they were all movie stars.
So anyway comments, questions, death threats?
1) Elves are tree hugging pansies.
Now in fantasy a lot of times they are one with the forests or woods and complain if you should damage it because hurting a tree is not okay but hurting people is fine esp. if they're invaders or humans. Hell these people are basically eco-terrorists and tree hippies. I wouldn't be surprised if they really are peace and love hippies that smoke pot all day and don't have a day job.
2) The smugness and arrogance by thinking they're better than every other race.
Elves always seem content to show how superior they are in physical skill even though they have the physical form of a pretty woman. Thinking you're better than a group often leads to plenty of racism and violence which is considered ok to commit to your lessers (like the eldar). Supposedly some will say they are perfect by being capable of some elfen emotions, power of mind or magic bullshit. Hey listen if my species had a history as long as yours we'd be as well learned as well. In fact why are you always dying out in every single lore i've ever seen? You're either dying out or becoming irrelevant and trying to distance yourself from every other race as somehow the world no longer effects you anymore. I always thought dying out meant you weren't superior but more a failure as a species. As far as normal fantasy goes elves are far and few between no matter where you go and sure sometimes they build big and smug kingdoms like san fransico or L.A. but it's mostly just looks and you can tell it's brimming with smugness. Also in warhammer fantasy let's see how long these arcane bows handle a gunline. In most lore i've never even heard of elves wielding guns and yet in fantasy the foolish child-like humans have big cities, live nice lives and have more modern conveniences. You elves can live in your treehouses and deal with ticks all day. I think i'd rather have modern medicine and the pleasures of a city. In fact the smugness of elves is so bad that even people that want to play as them in an rpg are smug just like them.
3) Elves have the physical attributes of a frail woman.
I can't hate this feature about elves enough. Nerdy girls love this feature for some reason. Perhaps it's because they're weak and non-threatening or perhaps they want a guy on guy fan fiction and would like to write it. Even creepier i hear on guy on guy anime one is often the weaker victim character and i wouldn't doubt fan fiction is similar. Have you ever seen an elf with masculine features like body hair and muscles? No? That's because they don't exist. Somehow all elven speed and strength comes from somewhere and yet they're as frail as a cat and probably weigh about as much proportionately. I was annoyed how much girls seemed to love characters like legolas instead of characters like aragorn in lord of the ring. You mean a manly man with a deep voice, a love for a woman he wants to be with for the rest of his life and with a spirit that would make any man follow him through hell and back is beaten by a wuss that trades insults with a dwarf? I heard the real legolas was actually pretty bad ass in the books but whatever. They even have the most high pitched feminine voices. Even worse them looking like girls just makes you feel awkward if you got drunk in some bar and while hitting on a wench brought her home to find out the hard way
or the next morning. The scary thing is they have all the similarities of gay or at least metrosexual men. Suddenly when you figure that out you understand why their race is dying out. Either there women are trying to find manly men or their love for gay men usually ends up badly as gay men are GAY. For female elves being feminine is actually a good thing as they are very pretty and they should be. Most women wish they lacked hair in some areas elves do naturally. Also if they're as flexible as a cat imagine how flexible they'd be in....god i wish elf women were real 
. 4) They can't go anywhere without first playing a ballad about it or writing a poem of it and then playing a lute.
Jesus i hate elves. You'd think you could hate them over just one thing and then they pull some lute out of their ass and just start singing to make your travels that much more annoying. Then they prance around and tease you in the frilliest gay way. Listen if you're gay that's fine but there's being gay just because it's your preference (there are manly gays) and then there's dancing around in the most flamboyant way possible. If that's your thing in real life then ok but this is an entire race of people this way. In 'the hobbit' they actually went to a town with elf singing everywhere. Dear lord where's the nearest dark and dangerous wood with only a campfire and a sheet for protection. They also have feminine shrill voices too as if it wasn't bad enough.
5) The elven language.
When the writer of lord of the rings wrote this i think he just did it to add depth and character to a fantasy race. Sure it was nerdy but he probably didn't expect nerds at conventions to actually write it or speak it if that's even possible. This is more a beef i have with people that love elves though and feel like showing their nerdiness by talking about it.
6) Elf women.
For the most part elven women seem great and they're great in bed supposedly but what's the problem. Have you ever lived with an immortal woman that as a species is known for having the bitchiest bitches ever. Suddenly you feel alright knowing you're mortal and that this horrible circumstance will come to an end....after decades of going slowly insane. Also the problem is being immortal means they probably have great grandchildren your age if you are in a relationship with them. Elven old age is really creepy like that. Suddenly you'd understand that elven women are awesome if you're into the free sex thing but a permanent relationship with one is suddenly very undesirable. Ugh they make me want to put a gun to my head.
Well guys those are my thoughts on elves. I hope you weren't too offended i just really have issues with elves. Hopefully you got a few laughs out of it and agreed with some of it. If you have a problem with this blog i'll take it down or change it a bit and put it up on my facebook so everybody can be happy.
I'm also sure elf women would be awesome if they didn't probably smugly say you were worse than an elf man but i've seen plenty of elf/human relationships so maybe we impress them like a black guy to some white women. Also for some reason all elf women are super pretty except in some games like 'the witcher' or 'dragon age' as if they were all movie stars.
So anyway comments, questions, death threats
?
