Why do i always ruin everything with women?

[flamingkillamajig]

I feel like such an idiot for ruining everything with every woman i ever love. Apparently i found out FFE was uncomfortable by something i must've written about her bikini pic and it's my fault she no longer posts on the IGMB (or at least partially). The most important person to me in my life currently and i totally ruin everything for her. She doesn't deserve to feel so uncomfortable even by me. This isn't the first time either. I tend to get perverted or tell women i love them online and it just ruins things. Every time i love a woman esp. on the internet it always fucks up. If only they knew how much i cared. If only they knew i'd make amends if only they'd have told me what i did wrong instead of just ignoring me or saying nothing when they were uncomfortable. And now here i sit all alone having ruined things for myself and the ones i love most. They won't even listen to me when i try to apologize now. I'm such an idiot.

I wish they could forgive me. I tried to reverse the damage by erasing the offending images and posts even on this forum. I feel it's too late though and that ship has sailed. Even though i do this the damage has been done and she'll probably never know. I suppose i can learn for the next time but i still can't get over this. Why do i have to keep fucking up? Why do i become my own worst enemy with the people i love most?

I need to move on but without a lesson learned on my part i guess it'll just keep happening again and again until i do learn it.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry :_(. Forgive me FFE.